Archive for March, 2011

The Spambot Hall of Fame

March 19th, 2011

Very few of the comments that are made on preservethe80s ever see the light of day. The vast majority of comments are either from assholes and spambots, with the spambots contributing the lion’s share. As I’m sure you remember, (actually you probably don’t, unless you happen to be one of my 5 or so regular visitors) I once wrote a post on lazy spammers in which I discussed how spammers just aren’t trying these days. Since that time, the amount of spam comments I receive has gotten even greater, with the comments being even more obvious and pathetic. Making the situation even more laughable is the fact that a good deal of the spammers now use Preservethe80s, or variants thereof in order to post the comments. I guess they think I’m just not too bright and won’t figure it out, or that I’ll be too lazy to read comments before approving them.. though they probably assume both. I suppose that rather than AI, these spambots should be labeled as AU – Artifical Unintelligence. However, a few of them are so bad that they’re actually a little bit comical, and those extra special shitpiles will get the recognition they deserve by being enshrined in the Spambot Hall of Fame. – “Spammers just arent trying anymore.. Keen”

“Update preserve los 80s.. Huh, really?”

“Why doesnt anyone in connecticut realize that dunkin donuts sucks.. Bully”

“Update 2.. Slap-up”

“Mcdonalds deluxe bacon angus burger gets it all wrong.. Great idea”

“Greetings.. Tiptop”

“Last nights gumbo didnt go so well.. Amazing” – Even by my standards, the gumbo story is a boring one.

“Greetings.. Dandy”

“Is humanity a terminal illness.. Slap-up” – I’ve never heard anyone but this spambot use the expression “slap up” and I have no idea what it’s supposed to mean, but I kind of like it. I’m going to use that from now on.

XBox 360 Support – “Good one you, man! Really great stuff here.”

Auto-Ru – “Thanks, it’s usefully for me.”

Auto-Ru deserves extra recognition because in addition to making one of the weakest spam comment attempts I’ve encountered, it also has the most obvious spambot name. AUTO-Ru? Really? Please, whoever came up with that name, pull your head out of your ass.

Women Sober House – “Throughout this awesome design of things you secure an A+ for effort. Where exactly you actually confused me was in your facts. You know, it is said, details make or break the argument.. And it couldn’t be much more true here. Having said that, permit me tell you just what did deliver the results. The authoring is certainly rather engaging and that is probably the reason why I am making an effort to opine. I do not make it a regular habit of doing that. Second, whilst I can certainly see a leaps in reason you make, I am not certain of how you seem to connect the details which in turn make the actual final result. For now I will, no doubt subscribe to your point but hope in the future you actually link your dots better.” – Keep in mind, this comment was about the 11 Ways to be an Asshole using Cheetos post.

RepeFlepe – “Surgery because colon cancer or prostate can also exhort penis devastation with an understanding of worldwide time. ”

Using QR Codes -“In this grand design of things you’ll get a B- with regard to effort and hard work. Exactly where you confused everybody was in your facts. As as the maxim goes, the devil is in the details… And that couldn’t be much more accurate in this article. Having said that, let me say to you precisely what did give good results. The authoring is certainly very powerful and that is probably the reason why I am taking an effort to opine. I do not make it a regular habit of doing that. 2nd, although I can easily notice the leaps in logic you come up with, I am not confident of just how you seem to connect your details which make your final result. For right now I shall subscribe to your point but trust in the future you actually connect the dots better.” – This one was also about the Cheetos. Apparently spambots think I’m not connecting the dots when it comes to being a bastard with cheese flavored corn-based snacks.

Swanyseen – “I learned early on, having known the most handsome, successful, Gary Cooper, Clark Gable, Robert Taylor, don’t ever spend too much time looking in the mirror.”

Making Flyers – “The crux of your writing whilst appearing reasonable at first, did not settle perfectly with me after some time. Someplace within the sentences you managed to make me a believer unfortunately just for a very short while. I still have got a problem with your jumps in logic and one might do well to fill in those gaps. In the event you actually can accomplish that, I will certainly end up being impressed.” – Cheetos again

That’s all for now, though this post will be updated as more shitty spam comments make their way to my site. Either that or I’ll create a new separate page for the Spambot Hall of Fame, but chances are I’ll be too lazy to take the 30 seconds to do that.

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I hate Google

March 13th, 2011

You know what I hate? Google. I don’t care if you read the title or not, but I’m going to keep on saying it. I hate Google. I hate Google. I really FUCKING HATE GOOGLE.
Damn it feels good to say that. Seriously, I despise Google so much that every time I say or type “I hate Google” I experience ¼ of an orgasm. I hate Google. I hate Google. Did I mention that I hate Google? Yes, because I hate Google.

While I’ve hated Google since the days before it was a household name, my hatred of it has only increased in recent years. First off, there’s absolutely nothing about it that makes it preferable to Yahoo, Bing, or any of the other also-rans that used to populate the Internet. That was back in the days when there was still a little thing called competition. You know, that silly little insignificant concept on which our economy once thrived. Google encourages laziness, mindless devotion, a lack of privacy, and dangerous ignorance.

Before I touch on any of those subjects, I’d like to revive a rant that I’ve made on this site before. It pisses me off to no end when people use Google as a verb. Seriously, why the fuck do people have to do that? I can’t think of any other company or service with which that is done. When’s the last time you heard someone say “I’m going to Wal-Mart it” when they planned to buy a pair of jeans, “Hey let’s Penthouse it” when they wanted porn, or “Wait a minute, let me Everest & Jennings it” when they needed to go somewhere in their wheelchair? You’ve never heard it because anyone who said those things would sound like a dumbass. It’s no different with Google. My guess is that making Google into a verb was probably an inside plan by Google to try to keep their shitty product on people’s minds 24/7.

One thing I hate about Google is their immense greed, which in turn begets laziness on behalf of the public. They want to get their filthy paws on every last Internet and communication resource and will stop at nothing to get it. Not only this, but they try to pry into your personal information as well. I loved Youtube when it first came out, but ever since Google got control of it, it’s been on a steady downhill decline. Most notably, Google recently made it so that you can’t log in to your Youtube profile or comment on a video without first registering for a Gmail account and then signing in with that. The real ass raping begins when you try to set up your Gmail account. They ask you for the standard buffet of personal info you’d expect to provide when setting up an e-mail account, but then they take it one step further by demanding your mobile phone information. Part of what is so great about interacting online is the complete anonymity. Google is doing its part to slowly take that away. They want to know who you are, where you’re from, and how they can get at you before you can even do something as simple as log into a Youtube profile. A direct quote from Google Chief Executive Eric Schmidt relates the following: “We cannot even answer the most basic questions because we don’t know enough about you. That is the most important aspect of Google’s expansion.” However, it has been proven that Google stores this information and continues to very closely supervise users for a period of at least 2 years after obtaining their information. Shame on you, you greedy peeping toms.
As I said before, Google’s greed begets laziness and empty-headed devotion. People don’t bother checking other resources anymore, they just go to Google to retrieve the biased and watered-down information it has to supply. Also with its peripheral services (most of which suck harder than a starlet trying to avoid criminal charges) they’ve trained most of the public to just depend on their third rate products and to think that spending 2 seconds typing in a URL to a different site is far too much work for their chubby little fingers.

Aside from the poor quality of its services, intrusive manner, and doing its part to continue dumbing down America, Google also promotes a dangerous degree of ignorance. They are unabashedly biased and have no sense of equality or objectivity. Google has been caught in the act in refusing to publish right-leaning blogs and material, was caught red-handed trying to divert travelers away from the Rally to Restore Honor, and has committed many other similar offenses. Google only wants to tell one side of the story and wants to keep America in the dark when it comes to any opposing viewpoints. I did a little bit of personal research as well to see what I could find. One brief experiment that I conducted yielded the following results. I typed “Obama is the best president” and “Obama is the worst president” into Google, Yahoo, and Bing. Here is what I got back:

Google: Best – 362,000
Worst – 107,000

Bing: Best – 251,000
Worst – 260,000

Yahoo: Best – 250,000
Worst – 304,000

Surprised? Well maybe if you knew this tid-bit of information you wouldn’t be – since Obama has taken office, NASA’s Moffett Airfield has basically been turned into a private airport for Google and its executives and you and I as taxpayers are footing the bill. This airport isn’t just used for business matters though, it has also been used as a point of origin for top Google executives to fly to the Carribean for at least 3 vacations, and also for Schmidt to attend the Cannes Film Festival. Shit, I guess the Obama administration earned Google serving up their bias to the country, no? Google is basically the Internet version of what so many people feel Fox News is to television, only worse because bias is only one of its many sins.
Now don’t worry non-conservatives, I haven’t forgotten about you either. You have just as much reason to hate Google as the conservative set does. Despite its anti-right wing censoring, Google does tip to the right on one big issue. Google is quite heavily enamored with the patriot act, a work of bullshit art imposed by George WMD Nukular Bush. Here’s a gem of a quote by Schmidt, promoting the patriot act as well as Google’s right to our privacy – “If you have something that you don’t want anyone to know, maybe you shouldn’t be doing it in the first place. If you really need that kind of privacy, the reality is that search engines—including Google—do retain this information for some time and it’s important, for example, that we are all subject in the United States to the Patriot Act and it is possible that all that information could be made available to the authorities.” The reality, Mr Schmidt, is that search engines other than Google don’t go anywhere near as far in violating our privacy and demanding our data to use their services.

Forgetting Obama, conservatism, and liberalism for a moment, it also troubles me that Google felt it necessary to pay homage to Russia by having a home page logos to commemorate the Sputnik, yet they felt no need to make such a tribute to America on Flag Day, unlike competitor Bing. Failing to recognize the country that made its success possible seems pretty ungrateful to me.

Don’t fuel the Google fire. Don’t give them the information they want. There are alternatives out there, and if you really want Google’s search results without dealing with Google, you can go to and get just that. When it comes to Youtube, just watch the videos that are available to all users and don’t give them a pleasure of creating a Gmail account and logging in with it when you want to view an 18+ video or make a comment. We can live without those things. Besides, if you want porn, Youtube is the wrong place to be. Together we can all give Google the big “Fuck You” it deserves.

For those interested, I’m running a preservethe80s contest to see how long it takes for my site to get de-listed from Google over this article. Send your guesses to
The winner will receive a signed photograph of me having lunch at Del Taco.

By the way, I hate Google.

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